It makes me sick to think about going back." How sick?" Jackie asked me with genuine concern."I physically got sick thinking about a few night ago." I...need to know. Have you ever thought about?killing yourself over it?"I was shocked she asked that, but she was right."Yes," was all I said. Jackie gave me a hug. "I need you to think about this, Melissa. In all seriousness, do you wantto be a girl?" More that anything," I answered. "I have thought about this for a longtime. I would give anything. But not for me. For reasons I can't understand, perhaps some cross-wiring in the depths of my psyche, this was an intense aphrodisiac."You're like me in some ways, though. I also love nylons and sometimes fantasize about girls at work getting mad at me and forcing me on the ground to kiss their feet. We play around sometimes, but mostly innocently and it's generally just whipping each other with our table towels after work."Hmm, that sounded like a fun thing to watch, but I had other things on. She sat up as I watched her rise. She turned in a blur, so fast I didn't notice and she was on top of me, kissing me. The wintry feel I felt earlier returned as her entire being covered me, became one with me. She kissed me and whispered softly, "leave her for me lover."It took all my might to roll out from under her and I fell off the bed with a loud thump. She giggled as she floated off the bed to my side. "You ok baby?"I grabbed my head as I felt the growing lump from the fall, "yeah I am. He’d take care of Amy and everything else around the house so all I had to concentrate on would be school. And lastly, yet most importantly he told me not to look at going back as some sort of challenge. This was not a make it or fail situation. I should look at it as a process and even with all of his support if it didn’t work out, WE ... Not I ... WE ... Would simply start all over and try again. He also threw in ... In a very small voice that win or lose ... he and Amy would always love me.
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